what twitter's good for

minor celebrities eavesdropping on hilarious people on first dates and then relaying that information to me:

This guy at the table next to me is a mixture of Dwight Schrute and Babycakes, AND he's on a first date. #basicallyamazing

"Do you want pepper?" "I will taste the meal and inform you at the appropriate time". Five seconds later he gets his pasta coated in it

"That particular dog was amazing because he ate food off the floor." "Did your dog do that?" "Never! ANIMALS. BELONG. OUTDOORS."

"I'm a stay-at-home son. You'll be a stay-at-home daughter." Now I am confused about their relationship - among other things

"The problem with today's society is that God is not at the forefront. My grandfather left school when he was 12." #what

"Don't ever, ever, EVER, ever [unintelligible]". Really disappointed I didn't catch the end of that, I feel like I let everyone down

Now his arms are crossed

"Here's your bill, and here's some mints." Him: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" totally sincere. Then: "I've got no room for mints", arms crossed again

And he's gone. His parting words: "I think she burned it. That way she wouldn't ever have to clean it up." #wordstoliveby

If you don't know who Ryan Q North is, click here.
That is all. Have a good day!